If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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