I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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