I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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