office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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