Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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