you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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