Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize