There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
be right there i have to get my cape
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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