You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Pants are for mortals
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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