There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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