i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize