as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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