i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize