My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
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I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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