while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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