Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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