I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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