Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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