she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When did we convert life to cartoon?
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my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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