Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize