By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize