I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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