I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize