so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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