its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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