i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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