Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize