Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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