I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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