I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
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i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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