did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize