There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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