i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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