Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
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Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
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Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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