Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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