If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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