I puked a lego.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
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Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
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I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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