I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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