I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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