He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I need a beard to bite.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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