just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize