Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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