so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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