It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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