Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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