You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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