just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize