The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize