John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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