dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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